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Saturday, February 21, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Behind the cold piece of steel
I found a new way to relieve my stress on Wednesday: I picked up a Glock 22 and 35 and commenced to firing.
Yes, seminary has driven me to pick up the cold steel of a firearm. All the tension it brings and frustrations of classwork that I can't seem to grasp left my body and flew straight toward my target. He got it four times to the head, once to the neck and a few to the chest area.
And that was the first time I ever shot. My target was definitely dead.
My frustrations, my anger and depression I found myself under were definitely dead . . .at least for a day.
This was my first excursion to the firing range, at least for the purpose of learning about gun safety and usage. I figure if I ever find myself in a situation that requires I use the weapon for my safety, at least I'll have some knowledge of how it works. The trip was one that I had added to my list of 100 things that I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime and so when my cop and seminary friend offered to take a few of us girls -- we're now dubbed the newer, prettier version of Charlie's angels -- I hopped at the chance to go.
The firing, while scary, felt good. Kinda. I had a mix of emotions. Funny thing happened. As I stood behind the firing line with my arm extended out and my Glock aimed toward my target and started to think about how powerful I felt and how I "could get used to this feeling," the Lord spoke. And in a quiet still voice he said, "You should never be comfortable behind the back of that gun.There should always be a feeling of discontent."
I thought about that. And as I pulled the trigger to see the bullet escape the chamber causing a mini volcanic explosion, I thought about the many young brothers on the street who have become comfortable being behind the arm of that weapon. At that moment, I gained more of a reverence for the power that I was wielding. At that moment, it became very real that I could take a life -- decimate one with a simple pull and "Click". Just like I had taken my anger and frustration and killed off the demons I had been battling for the past few weeks.
In those moments I stood between the stalls of the firing range, I became aware of others who hurt and have no way to express themselves than through the cold steel of a piece like the Glock I held. And I silently weeped for them because no one saw their pain. I was reminded of how desensitized we have become to the suffering of others around us. And it was in that moment I prayed for eyes to be opened to pain other than our own.
Yes, seminary has driven me to pick up the cold steel of a firearm. All the tension it brings and frustrations of classwork that I can't seem to grasp left my body and flew straight toward my target. He got it four times to the head, once to the neck and a few to the chest area.
And that was the first time I ever shot. My target was definitely dead.
My frustrations, my anger and depression I found myself under were definitely dead . . .at least for a day.
This was my first excursion to the firing range, at least for the purpose of learning about gun safety and usage. I figure if I ever find myself in a situation that requires I use the weapon for my safety, at least I'll have some knowledge of how it works. The trip was one that I had added to my list of 100 things that I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime and so when my cop and seminary friend offered to take a few of us girls -- we're now dubbed the newer, prettier version of Charlie's angels -- I hopped at the chance to go.
The firing, while scary, felt good. Kinda. I had a mix of emotions. Funny thing happened. As I stood behind the firing line with my arm extended out and my Glock aimed toward my target and started to think about how powerful I felt and how I "could get used to this feeling," the Lord spoke. And in a quiet still voice he said, "You should never be comfortable behind the back of that gun.There should always be a feeling of discontent."
I thought about that. And as I pulled the trigger to see the bullet escape the chamber causing a mini volcanic explosion, I thought about the many young brothers on the street who have become comfortable being behind the arm of that weapon. At that moment, I gained more of a reverence for the power that I was wielding. At that moment, it became very real that I could take a life -- decimate one with a simple pull and "Click". Just like I had taken my anger and frustration and killed off the demons I had been battling for the past few weeks.
In those moments I stood between the stalls of the firing range, I became aware of others who hurt and have no way to express themselves than through the cold steel of a piece like the Glock I held. And I silently weeped for them because no one saw their pain. I was reminded of how desensitized we have become to the suffering of others around us. And it was in that moment I prayed for eyes to be opened to pain other than our own.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Lift ev'ry voice . . .
I was back in the Bahamas yesterday . . . not physically, mind you. I'm still trying to rest up. But I was there via the radio airwaves. I, along with a few of my other seminary friends, Michael Hunt and Quentin Samuels and some Bahamian Morehouse students and a Spellman sister got a chance to be a part of the live radio show: The Audacity to Hope: Do Dreams Really Come True? The show was a part of the Matters of the Heart radio program, http://www.myheartmatters.com/ my new friend Kirk Johnson broadcasts internationally from the Bahamas. This past weekend, however, he took the 2-hour show on the road and headed straight here to Atlanta to do the broadcast live from the place he felt the dreams we're now realizing in President Obama's election began.
Kirk and I met when I was at the zns station, http://www.znsbahamas.com/, finishing up a radio interview two weeks ago. Once he realized Michael and I were from Atlanta, he shared how he wanted us to be a part of his broadcast and invited us to bring others along.
So there we were sitting in the Martin Luther King Jr. International Chapel on Morehouse's campus, surrounded by the thousands of photos of the Great Dr. King, Jr. and glimpses of the civil rights movement expounding on how one takes their dream from just the "concept" stage to reality. I was honored to be there, be a part of the conversation. I felt particularly esteemed to be in the company of these young black men who spoke their convictions and shared their insights of what is now being demanded of them in this moment and time in history. There were only two of us women at the table. At first I wondered if Kirk failed to find others. But as I sat there, it quickly became apparent that that time on the airwaves was really moreso about the men. It was their time to speak.
We women have always shared. Our men, more specifically, the collective voices of our black men, have not always been afforded that opportunity nor have they always taken advantage of it when presented. And Kirk's show was their time to be at the table and share their knowledge and relish in the fact that they do have something to say and it's not only their responsibility to share, but their responsibility to encourage their other brethren to do the same. Many others are waiting to hear what they have to say.
And on Sunday, a portion of the world was listening, including me. And I couldn't have been happier and more thrilled to have a front row seat.
Kirk and I met when I was at the zns station, http://www.znsbahamas.com/, finishing up a radio interview two weeks ago. Once he realized Michael and I were from Atlanta, he shared how he wanted us to be a part of his broadcast and invited us to bring others along.
So there we were sitting in the Martin Luther King Jr. International Chapel on Morehouse's campus, surrounded by the thousands of photos of the Great Dr. King, Jr. and glimpses of the civil rights movement expounding on how one takes their dream from just the "concept" stage to reality. I was honored to be there, be a part of the conversation. I felt particularly esteemed to be in the company of these young black men who spoke their convictions and shared their insights of what is now being demanded of them in this moment and time in history. There were only two of us women at the table. At first I wondered if Kirk failed to find others. But as I sat there, it quickly became apparent that that time on the airwaves was really moreso about the men. It was their time to speak.
We women have always shared. Our men, more specifically, the collective voices of our black men, have not always been afforded that opportunity nor have they always taken advantage of it when presented. And Kirk's show was their time to be at the table and share their knowledge and relish in the fact that they do have something to say and it's not only their responsibility to share, but their responsibility to encourage their other brethren to do the same. Many others are waiting to hear what they have to say.
And on Sunday, a portion of the world was listening, including me. And I couldn't have been happier and more thrilled to have a front row seat.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
God in the details . . .
A funny thing -- funny ironic thing -- happened in Old Testament II class today. I think I got a glimpse of the Holy Spirit hanging out in there. Yes, I said it, the Holy Spirit. This class may turn out not to be so bad after all. The fact that the professor shared tidbits of his faith foundation (giving indication that he believes in God) and we started the class with prayer tells me there is hope for Jesus to show up in class this time. I know for some it may even sound strange that I would write something like this. I mean, I'm in seminary. It would stand to reason that the Holy Ghost would be in every nook and cranny of this place, practically hanging from the ceilings ready to pounce. But sadly, that isn't the case. Like Jesus, the Holy Spirit only comes by invitation. And sometimes I think that even if an invitation were sent out, we might find that the Holy Spirit's address was no longer valid.
It's only the first day -- Introduction Day -- and already I'm thinking . . . hoping . . . praying that this class will actually live out the truism the professor proclaims: that "scripture is he word of life" and that there can't be proper interpretation unless there is empathy and evaluation in dealing with the text. One without the other either lends itself to superficiality or cynicism.
I saw enough of that last semester. And frankly, I wasn't sure I would see too much of anything else. But God always gives us a glimpse of a shining light. This semester his name is Dr. Mark Strawn.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Ten on Tuesday . . . a day later
1. I'm back stateside! Yippe. I'm connected, once again! My phone was the first thing I grabbed when the plane touched down on the tarmac Tuesday night. And when I got my bags, I headed straight to the nearest Waffle House to grab me a waffle. Just can't get that kind of good cooking in the Bahamas. I'm not saying my Bahamian brothers and sisters cooking isn't and wasn't good, but let's just say I've had my share of peas and rice . Besides there's nothing like a good waffle over great conversation. That was just what I needed.
2. I decided I'm not leaving the house today -- especially not to head toward Emory. I'll be there soon enough tomorrow. So, in the meantime, I'll just hang with myself and enjoy my solitude. I may finish up my reading, maybe not. This trip has really worn me out and today I just need to rest. God know there will be little of that once classes resume . . .
3. Well, it's back to classes tomorrow. My Spring semester begins. I'm barely finished with my January term (we call them J-term) courses. I still have three papers to write, two books to read and updates to do to my journal and organize my notes. The work never stops. But such is the life of a seminary student. Pray for my endurance.
4. Speaking of endurance, I'm resolving to get back to my kickboxing classes this year. In fact, I'm starting tonight. Found a free cardio class at the hospital.
5. I still can't believe that one of my professors assigned or "strongly suggested" a week ago that we begin assignments for his class. I didn't realize this until after a friend who was also in the Bahamas with me shared this tidbit of information this past week. Get this, not only did he want us to read the books for the class, but watch some John Wayne movie, "They Were Expendable" and "In Which We Serve" with Noel Coward (I don't even know who that is!) to prepare ourselves for the "struggle that lies ahead". Then he tagged on the end, "Time to join Netflix . . ." See why I'm going to kickboxing class!
5. At least I don't have to work tomorrow. I'm not sure I could make it anyway.
6. Okay, can I just say, I'm now a huge fan of all things Conch -- fried, stewed, in conch salad. That conch's some good eating!
7. Pastor Catherine Fluck-Price of Harvest UMC in Bradenton, Fla. is interested in possibly taking me on as an intern for the summer. She suggests I throw my hat in the ring for the summer position. I'm considering. It's either there or the Bahamas. Only thing with the later opportunity is I'll definitely have to have the phone situation worked out. This woman can't live off of IM'ing or email alone. I wasn't connected for 10 days and nearly lost my mind. Imagine two months!
8. One thing I like about the Bahamians is they really know how to live within their holiday's. They still have Christmas decorations up-- nativity scenes and all. I didn't see not one Valentine or red-colored nothing anywhere. Maybe they'll display those things in say . . . February, right after they take down their Christmas trees and lights. Apparently that's about how long they keep them up!
9. I might find myself on another Bahamian radio program. A talk show host I met there, Kirk Johnson is heading to Atlanta to do a live broadcast this Sunday from the King Center on "The Audacity of Hope: How do I make my dreams come true?" He invited me and other friends of mine to join and share our thoughts. You know I'm really feeling this is not a coincidence (which I don't really believe in anyway) that I'm coming face-to-face with all these radio personalities and meeting up with these radio opportunities. A friend of mine and I have been talking about putting together our own show. Maybe these opportunities are the open door we have been looking for . . .
10. Call me crazy, but I'm glad to be back home . . . cold weather and all. Something just didn't feel quite right with me wearing shorts and summer dresses in the middle of January!
2. I decided I'm not leaving the house today -- especially not to head toward Emory. I'll be there soon enough tomorrow. So, in the meantime, I'll just hang with myself and enjoy my solitude. I may finish up my reading, maybe not. This trip has really worn me out and today I just need to rest. God know there will be little of that once classes resume . . .
3. Well, it's back to classes tomorrow. My Spring semester begins. I'm barely finished with my January term (we call them J-term) courses. I still have three papers to write, two books to read and updates to do to my journal and organize my notes. The work never stops. But such is the life of a seminary student. Pray for my endurance.
4. Speaking of endurance, I'm resolving to get back to my kickboxing classes this year. In fact, I'm starting tonight. Found a free cardio class at the hospital.
5. I still can't believe that one of my professors assigned or "strongly suggested" a week ago that we begin assignments for his class. I didn't realize this until after a friend who was also in the Bahamas with me shared this tidbit of information this past week. Get this, not only did he want us to read the books for the class, but watch some John Wayne movie, "They Were Expendable" and "In Which We Serve" with Noel Coward (I don't even know who that is!) to prepare ourselves for the "struggle that lies ahead". Then he tagged on the end, "Time to join Netflix . . ." See why I'm going to kickboxing class!
5. At least I don't have to work tomorrow. I'm not sure I could make it anyway.
6. Okay, can I just say, I'm now a huge fan of all things Conch -- fried, stewed, in conch salad. That conch's some good eating!
7. Pastor Catherine Fluck-Price of Harvest UMC in Bradenton, Fla. is interested in possibly taking me on as an intern for the summer. She suggests I throw my hat in the ring for the summer position. I'm considering. It's either there or the Bahamas. Only thing with the later opportunity is I'll definitely have to have the phone situation worked out. This woman can't live off of IM'ing or email alone. I wasn't connected for 10 days and nearly lost my mind. Imagine two months!
8. One thing I like about the Bahamians is they really know how to live within their holiday's. They still have Christmas decorations up-- nativity scenes and all. I didn't see not one Valentine or red-colored nothing anywhere. Maybe they'll display those things in say . . . February, right after they take down their Christmas trees and lights. Apparently that's about how long they keep them up!
9. I might find myself on another Bahamian radio program. A talk show host I met there, Kirk Johnson is heading to Atlanta to do a live broadcast this Sunday from the King Center on "The Audacity of Hope: How do I make my dreams come true?" He invited me and other friends of mine to join and share our thoughts. You know I'm really feeling this is not a coincidence (which I don't really believe in anyway) that I'm coming face-to-face with all these radio personalities and meeting up with these radio opportunities. A friend of mine and I have been talking about putting together our own show. Maybe these opportunities are the open door we have been looking for . . .
10. Call me crazy, but I'm glad to be back home . . . cold weather and all. Something just didn't feel quite right with me wearing shorts and summer dresses in the middle of January!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Dreams revealed . . .
Imagine taking a sabbatical from your cellphone. Well, I did -- not by my own accord, mind you. It was forced. Altell doesn't work on this side of the ocean and for the past nine days I've been without the ability to make or receive phone calls or text. I was so distressed that for the first few days, I would just turn on my phone to see if it still worked. I secretly hoped maybe a text would find its way through or I would see the bars light up on my phone saying I could make a call if I wanted. No such blessing. (Cost for just a minute would have been too high anyway). For a while, I couldn't even link up to the Internet. By all accounts, I felt as if I were a woman without a country to connect to. The ironic thing about that, is that that's how I've felt since being here. In that in-between place, where I struggle to find out where exactly I fit in the grand scheme of what I see taking place here.
I shared with my fellow seminarians and workshop participants that I'm beginning to see what God is doing with me here. This seminar is the fulfillment of prayers I have prayed in regard to my ministry and and a fulfillment of the promises God made to deliver on my desires. I didn't realize until a few days ago that the list I have been compiling of the 100 things I would like to accomplish in my lifetime is dwindling somewhat as God is crossing some of those things off the list. Here I am beginning to see the marriage of my journalism skills with that of ministry and I am in awe of how God works. I've desired to connect with people of other cultures and have the opportunity to speak and minister internationally and have them share their faith with me. This trip has allowed me the chance to do that.
I prayed that I would be able to travel and fill my passport with stamps. This trip is the beginning of that dream. I have also prayed to be able incorporate my love of radio within my ministry. Since being here, I have networked with people who may be able to offer advice and help in that area and have even asked me to be a part of their radio broadcasts. I've done two interviews since being here. And been asked to speak at other future events and churches.
All of this happens and I have no one to immediately tell. Maybe that is where the lesson lies. Maybe I'm just supposed to sit with something and bask in the Glory of God's goodness alone. Being without my phone has forced me to look within and rest with God awhile. It has forced me to really take stock of my surroundings and ask God, "What's next?"
It's prompted me to live my life with the expectation that God has so much more in store for me.
I must say, this isn't a bad start. Today the Bahamas, tomorrow . . . maybe South Africa.
I'm praying!
I shared with my fellow seminarians and workshop participants that I'm beginning to see what God is doing with me here. This seminar is the fulfillment of prayers I have prayed in regard to my ministry and and a fulfillment of the promises God made to deliver on my desires. I didn't realize until a few days ago that the list I have been compiling of the 100 things I would like to accomplish in my lifetime is dwindling somewhat as God is crossing some of those things off the list. Here I am beginning to see the marriage of my journalism skills with that of ministry and I am in awe of how God works. I've desired to connect with people of other cultures and have the opportunity to speak and minister internationally and have them share their faith with me. This trip has allowed me the chance to do that.
I prayed that I would be able to travel and fill my passport with stamps. This trip is the beginning of that dream. I have also prayed to be able incorporate my love of radio within my ministry. Since being here, I have networked with people who may be able to offer advice and help in that area and have even asked me to be a part of their radio broadcasts. I've done two interviews since being here. And been asked to speak at other future events and churches.
All of this happens and I have no one to immediately tell. Maybe that is where the lesson lies. Maybe I'm just supposed to sit with something and bask in the Glory of God's goodness alone. Being without my phone has forced me to look within and rest with God awhile. It has forced me to really take stock of my surroundings and ask God, "What's next?"
It's prompted me to live my life with the expectation that God has so much more in store for me.
I must say, this isn't a bad start. Today the Bahamas, tomorrow . . . maybe South Africa.
I'm praying!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Answered prayers . . .
I'm so behind on my blog posts for this week. There has just been so much going on -- the seminars that last all day and events into the night -- that I haven't been able to keep up. But I did want to get this one in. That radio show that I was on this week . . . well it'll be streaming live tonight on http://www.znsbahamas.com/ at 9 p.m. So if you get a chance, log on.
It so happened that I, and two of my seminarian colleagues, Michael Hunt and Lance Eiland were asked to be on the radio program Vision, which is a broadcast by the Methodist Conference of the Caribbean and the Americas all over the Caribbean and even in New Zealand. The show, which is a 30-minute weekly program gave us an opportunity to share a little of who we are, how we were called into ministry and our thoughts on this past weeks seminar. For me, it was a answer to one of my prayers to God. And it was evidence that all my skills and desires to use my journalist tools and pursue my radio dreams in ministry have been heard.
I didn't think I would go international so soon. But that's what I get for putting God in a box.
It so happened that I, and two of my seminarian colleagues, Michael Hunt and Lance Eiland were asked to be on the radio program Vision, which is a broadcast by the Methodist Conference of the Caribbean and the Americas all over the Caribbean and even in New Zealand. The show, which is a 30-minute weekly program gave us an opportunity to share a little of who we are, how we were called into ministry and our thoughts on this past weeks seminar. For me, it was a answer to one of my prayers to God. And it was evidence that all my skills and desires to use my journalist tools and pursue my radio dreams in ministry have been heard.
I didn't think I would go international so soon. But that's what I get for putting God in a box.
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